The (In)Sanity of the GoM
by psychotic luv
Summary: In which Kuroko makes Akashi proud. The high school teams witness the dynamics of the famed GoM. And Seirin thought Kuroko was the normal one. A series of (possibly) unrelated one-shots/drabbles.
1. Spilled

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroko no Basuke.**

**Warning: OOC Aomine and Kuroko. Un-Beta'd  
**

* * *

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and children were seen running around one another.

It was really all just a coincidence that the Seirin basket ball club ran into the Too team.

It was a strange sight to see. The teams ignored the strange looks they attracted as they all hid behind a bush, lamp post, or wall.

They couldn't take their eyes off of their star players. Too was used to seeing Aomine act in his annoyingly infuriating proud arrogance. Seirin was used to Kuroko's quiet disposition.

It wasn't really a surprise to see that the teams were in utter shock. They truly couldn't believe what they were seeing. If they hadn't known any better, they would have thought that the people they were spying on were imposters. In place of a proud, arrogant Aomine, there stood a petrified, quivering mess. And in the place of a quiet, reserved, respectful Kuroko, there stood a demon towering over his former Light.

"Saa~ How should I _punish_ you?" An evil aura enveloped the teal haired player.

Seirin couldn't believe what they were witnessing. Kuroko, their _kind_, respectful kohai had managed to reduce the former Teiko ace into a quivering blob.

All for a spilled milkshake.

And they thought _he_ was the normal one of the lot.

* * *

**Meh... It didn't come out right :/ The others were supposed to appear, but in the end, this was what I got. I shouldn't write when I'm sleep deprived! DX**


	2. Family

**Warning: Possible OOCness; un-Beta'd; I forgot how Riko addresses people.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroko no Basuke. If I did, Kuroko would be a girl and she would have a harem of basketball players.  
**

* * *

The teams watched as the Generation of Miracles interacted with one another, lost in their own little word, completely forgetting about their current teams.

Aomine had an arm around Kuroko's shoulders while growling and pushing away a crying Kise. Momoi was on the other side of Kuroko, hugging the life out of his arm. Midorima stood behind Kise, looking like he didn't want to be there, but made no move to leave. Akashi stood next to the sharpshooter, observing the spectacle with amusement while his faithful Murasakibara stood behind him, munching away.

All the while, Kuroko just sipped his milkshake as if everything was completely normal.

"Kuroko and Aomine look really close, don't they?" Riko commented.

Wakamatsu's eye couldn't help but twitch. "I still can't believe that jerk can get along with anyone."

"Ne… Don't they kind of look like a family?" someone said.

Akashi, as observant as ever, heard the comment and turned to face the teams. "A family?" he repeated, raising a brow.

Somehow, despite all the noise Kise was making, all the former Teiko players heard their leader. Kise stopped crying about not being able to hug his 'Kurokocchi' and Aomine stopped pushing the blond away.

"A family, huh? I wonder what Kuroko's role would be then," Hyuga thought aloud.

"The mother," the Miracles (sans Kuroko and Midorima) promptly said in unison. Kuroko just continued to sip away at his milkshake as if he didn't just hear that.

"EEHHH?!"

"KUROKO! WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR REACTION?!"

"… Ano," a brave soul asked, "who would be the father, then?".

"Hah! It would obviously be me!" Aomine boasted, puffing up his chest, drawing shocked looks from the Too players.

"Eh?! No way! It would _obviously_ be _me_ since _I_ am his girlfriend," Momoi argued. She too, got strange looks.

"That makes no sense! You're a _girl!_ You can't be the father! It would be me, obviously, since I was his _partner_."

Eyes bulged at that. _They were WHAT? 'Partners'? Were they like 'that'?_

Too couldn't believe that someone had actually gotten along with Aomine enough to be his partner.

"No way! Kurokocchi gets along with me the best! I should be the dad!"

"Hell no! _I'm _the one who always walked Tetsu home," Aomine argued.

_WHAT?!_

"And we always hung out after school and ate together and shared milkshakes and…" he continued on and on, not noticing the gapes on the high school team members' faces.

_He makes it sound like they were dating!_ Was the thought running through everyone's heads.

"DON'T MAKE IT SOUND LIKE YOU WERE DATING!" Momoi yelled at her childhood friend.

"Since I spent more time with him, I would obviously be the father!" he announced, ignoring Momoi.

"You can't possibly be the father, anyway." Midorima said to Kise, joining in, "You're more like the annoying son with an Oedipus Complex."

"Uah, how mean!"

"Besides, shouldn't Akashi be the father?"

Shutoku stared in bewilderment at the fact that their tsundere ace was actually getting into the argument.

"That's right." Akashi smiled, causing shivers to crawl up everyone's (sans Murasakibara and Kuroko) spine, "Good boy, Shintarou."

"…A- Aa…"

"Atsushi would be the baby of the family, now wouldn't he?" Akashi glanced at the giant, satisfied when he got a nod.

"Demo, if Kise-kun is my son because I was his instructor," Kuroko started, ignoring the 'EHH?!'s in the background, "then wouldn't Akashi-kun be my father?"

…

Silence.

…

"That's right!" Aomine snapped his fingers, breaking the oppressive silence, "Akashi would be the controlling, traditional grandpa!"

The others gaped at him. Was he suicidal?

"Ahomine!" Momoi hissed.

Snip.

Snip.

_SNIP._

Aomine slowly turned around, sweating profusely at the evil aura his former captain was emitting.

" 'Grandpa'?" Akashi repeated, his scissors opened and closed eerily.

"Help!" Aomine quickly hissed to the other Miracles.

"No way."

"You're on your own this time, Aominecchi."

"You brought this to yourself."

"You dug your own grave, Ahomine."

"Please rest in peace."

"EVEN YOU, TETSU?! WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS ARE YOU?!"

"We're not."

"The kind who'd like to survive."

"It's called self-preservation."

"I don't wanna get killed."

"Don't worry, we'll visit your grave."

In the background, the teams watched the chaos that was the Generation of Miracles.

"'A family,' huh? Well then," Riko said wryly, "that's the most messed up family I have _ever_ seen."

For some reason, the basketball teams were glad they only had one member of that group.

They didn't think they'd be able to handle more than one.

* * *

**How was it? I might make a continuation of this, but I'm not sure how long it would be. I hope it was okay. It seems really choppy in my opinion :/  
**

**Gah! I just can't write humor/comedy! DX  
**

**Again, this is a collection of (possibly) unrelated fics so any future chapters might not coincide with any of the previous ones.  
**


	3. Comparisons

**You guys don't know how happy you've made me! I couldn't believe that I got so many reviews and alerts in such a short amount of time. Thanks a bunch! Love you all!  
**

**Warning: OOCness; Un-Beta'd; Motherly!Akashi and Spilled Milkshakes**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Kuroko no Baske, there would have been a lot more MiraGen fluff.  
**

* * *

The basketball teams all sat in one area in the restaurant. Their Miracle members, however, didn't join. Apparently, they had all decided to sit together at a table of their own. For old times sake.

Meanwhile, as their ace players ignored them, the various teams discussed. What, exactly? The Miracles.

"What's yours like?" they asked each other.

"Aomine sucks," Wakamatsu complained. "He always skips practice and disrespects everybody. Even the captain!"

"_Ne Tetsu, let's go play basketball together again."_

"And he never listens to anyone!"

"_Transfer to Too."_

"_There'd be no point. You never come to practice."_

"_I'll go. To practice."_

"He's inconsiderate. And he never apologizes."

"_Ack! Sorry Tetsu! I'll go get you a new one!"_

"_Ah, arigato."_

"_No problem. It was my fault anyway. Here."_

"Midorima's the same," the Shutoku captain sighed. "He's selfish."

"_Here. I got Aquarius' lucky item."_

"He's always going on and on about his horoscopes."

"_This should negate today's bad luck."_

"And he never listens to anyone, either!"

"_Shintarou. Sit over there."_

"_Hai."_

"Murasakibara's easier to handle," Himuro said. "You just have to make sure there's a steady supply of sweets."

"_Say 'Ah~' Kuro-chin."_

"_Ahh…munchmunch."_

"_Is it good? I gave Kuro-chin a vanilla flavored one."_

"_Hai. Arigato."_

"We try to limit his candy intake, but it's hard. He tends to snap if you try to take it away…"

"_Atsushi. Stop eating candy. You can eat it after dinner."_

"_Ehh… If Aka-chin says so…"_

"Akashi? Very demanding," Mibuchi said

"_Daiki! Stop eating so fast! You're going to choke!"_

"_Hai."_

"_Eat slower! You're getting food everywhere. You're going to knock something over."_

"He's takes things to the extreme."

"_You need to eat more vegetables, Atsushi._

"_Hai, hai."_

"_You're going to get sick if you don't._

"And he sees everyone as shoji pieces. I don't think he cares about anyone."

"_You have something on your face, Tetsuya."_

"_Hmm? Where?"_

"_Here, I'll wipe it off."_

"_Ah, thank you Akashi-kun."_

"_You need to eat more."_

"_But this is all I can eat."_

"_That's not healthy, Tetsuya. At least take some supplements."_

"It gets really tiring at times. You never know when he's going to snap…"

"_Tetsu, can I have some?"_

"_Sure."_

"_Uah! An indirect kiss! I want a sip too!"_

"_Hell no!"_

"_You guys…"_

"_But it's not fair! You have your own drink!"_

"_Shut up! You have your own too!"_

"_I don't care! I want some of Kurokocchi's!_

"_Ah…!"_

"_Look what you made me do!"_

"_It's not my fault! You're the one who spilled it!"_

"_My milkshake…"_

"_There, there. It's okay Tetsuya. They'll get you a new one. _**R****ig****h****t****?**_"_

"_Ha– Hai!"_

"Kise isn't that bad, I think," Kasamatsu said. "He used to skip practice, but after the practice match with Seirin, he stopped skipping."

"Really? You have it good then. I wish Aomine wouldn't skip," Imayoshi sighed.

"So he doesn't have any weird quirks or anything?" Riko asked.

"The only thing I can think of is his tendency to add –cchi after people's names. And his weird obsession with that Kuroko guy."

"Yeah…Aomine almost beat up a teammate because they were badmouthing that invisible guy."

"They must have been close in middle school."

"_Sorry Kurokocchi!"_

"_I'll buy you a new one Tetsu."_

"The only thing is that our practice is always, _always_ interrupted by his stupid fangirls. And he always has to greet them and sign autographs. We barely can get any practice done!"

"We don't have any problems with Kuroko," Hyuga couldn't help but boast. "Aside from his lack of presence, he's perfect."

"Ehh?"

"His policy is to be respectful to his senpai. He never skips practice and is very hardworking," he listed as the other Seirin members nodded along in agreement. Hyuga help but inwardly grin at the other teams' jealousy.

"_ACK! I'm sorry!"_

"_THAT'S THE THIRD TIME TODAY, AHOMINE!"_

"_Shut up Satsuki! I apologized, didn't I?"_

"_What's with that aura?"_

"_Ack! Ku-Kurokocchi! Stop it! It's scary!"_

"_Ah…Kuro-chin snapped."_

"He isn't violent. And he's very polite and doesn't talk back," Hyuga continued.

**"_Ignite…"_**

"_I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!"_

"_I told you you would knock something over. See? I'm always right."_

**"_Pass__…_"**

"_Tetsu, can't we talk this out? OI! SOMEBODY HELP ME!"_

**_"KAI!"_**

"_AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

"You have the most normal one, huh?" the other teams sighed wistfully, deaf to Aomine's pleas.

"Yup."

It was only after they had walked out of the restaurant did they notice the suspicious, human shaped hole in the wall.

* * *

**As for Motherly!Akashi, "_Akashi was shown in the Kuroko no Basket: Kiseki no Game to be absolutely caring and considerate towards his former teammates. He constantly reminds them of doing things the right way, even in the way they eat and take care of their digestive system. It was much near the point of nagging that Aomine even called him 'mother'_."**

**You know...I can't help but feel as if I'm bullying Aho- I mean, Aomine. I don't mean to... It just happens.  
**


	4. Visiting Seirin

**Warning: Hints of Mildly Possessive!Akashi (not that we didn't already know that) and Aomine's way with words. Un-Beta'd  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuro no Basuke. I don't even know why I have to keep repeating this.  
**

* * *

On his way to school, Kise spotted a small black and white dog. To his surprise, the dog walked up to him and sat down on the ground, looking up at him.

Kise crouched and picked up the dog. Looking closer, he noticed that it was wearing a basketball jersey.

'Seirin 11' it said.

_Wasn't that Kurokocchi's jersey number?_

Staring at the dog, he noticed its eyes.

_They look familiar…_

Kise racked his brain for a clue. Suddenly, he froze.

_The eyes…! Kurokocchi's eyes!_

"OH MY GOD! KUROKOCCHI! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!"

* * *

_"Aominecchi! Aominecchi!"_ Kise's voice was heard over the phone. _"Somethingterriblehappened!"_

"Hah?" Aomine raised a brow. "Talk slower, idiot! I can't understand you!"

_"Just come over here! It's an emergency!"_

Aomine sighed. "This better be worth it."

* * *

_"Midorimacchi! Help!"_

"What is it now, Kise?"

_"..."_

"... You can't be serious."

_"I am! I am! It's not a joke!"_

"I knew you were an idiot, but I didn't think you'd–"

_"I'm not joking! Kurokocchi's in serious trouble!"_

"... Fine," Midorima sighed, "I'll call Akashi."

* * *

The members of the Generation of Miracles gathered in a circle at an empty park.

"What was the 'emergency,' Kise?" Aomine crossed his arms. "This better be good."

"Shintarou mentioned something about it involving Tetsuya."

"Kuro-chin? Is he in trouble?" Murasakibara asked as he munched on a treat.

"Un!" Kise sniffled.

"Well?" Akashi said, looking serious. "What is it?

"This!" Kise whipped his arms in front of the group, showing off the jersey wearing puppy.

"... A puppy?" Aomine twitched. "_That_ was the so called 'emergency'?!"

"Ryouta," Akashi's aura became dark, "be serious!"

"I am! Look at him closer! Doesn't he look familiar?!" Kise cried, shoving the puppy into Aomine's face.

"Dammit Ki- Wait. Now that you mention it..."Aomine trailed off, his eyes widening.

"It's wearing Kuroko's jersey number..." Midorima looked back to Kise. "I thought you were joking."

"Ah! Kuro-chin's eyes!"

"What about it, Ryouta?"

"KUROKOCCHI'S BEEN TURNED INTO A DOG!" Kise sobbed, hugging the puppy to his chest.

"OI! YOU'RE GONNA SUFFOCATE TETSU!"

"Ryouta. Daiki. Be quiet."

"Hai," they chorused in sync.

"First of all, don't be an idiot. Did you even call Tetsuya to check?"

"I did!" Kise wailed, "He didn't answer!"

Midorima sighed and rubbed his temples. Kise's annoying cries were beginning to give him a headache.

"Did you even bother to check to see if he was at school?"

Kise blinked. "No...?"

"Then go check, idiot! You should have done that before calling us all here!"

"Uah! Midoricchi is so mean~! Don't you even care about Kurokocchi?"

Midorima sputtered incomprehensibly with a flushed face. "That's not the point!"

"Ne ne," Murasakibara spoke up in his bored drawl, "let's just go see Kuro-chin's school."

"Excellent idea, Atsushi." Akashi approved. "Let's go."

* * *

When they finally arrived at Seirin's gym, they were immediately welcomed by surprised looks.

"Kise and Midorima!"

"What are they doing here?"

"Who are the others?"

"We know Kise and Midorima," Riko said, not recognizing the other three, "but who are you guys?"

"None of your concern," Akashi dismissed, ignoring how she bristled.

"Is Tetsu here?" Aomine asked, ignoring the flat girl's question as he scanned the area.

Riko felt her irritation fade at the sudden question. "Who?" She didn't recognize the name.

Akashi narrowed his eyes. His Tetsuya's current team didn't even remember his given name.

_They don't deserve him._

"We're looking for Tetsuya," Akashi elaborated. "Kuroko Tetsuya."

Akashi's irritation doubled at Seirin's sudden realization.

"He didn't come to school today," a tall redhead said.

"Ah!" a cat-like person exclaimed, pointing to the puppy in Kise's arms. "That's Tetsuya!"

"EHH?! So it's true!" Kise turned to the spectacle-wearing teen. "I told you!"

"You recognize him?" Midorima pushed up his glasses, ignoring the annoying blond.

"Yeah!" The cat-person nodded. "We found him after you and that hawk-guy left the restaurant the other night."

"Oi... What's up with Kagamicchi?" Kise sweatdropped at the sight of the redhead cowering in a faraway corner.

"He's," Riko sighed, "not good with dogs..."

"'Kagamicchi'?" Aomine raised a brow. "Who's he?"

"Oh, that's right!" Kise hugged Tetsuya closer, gaining a mischievous glint in his eyes. "He's Kurokocchi's new Light," he said simply.

The rest of the Miracles observed Aomine's reaction with interest.

Seirin was lost in confusion, not understanding what Kise meant.

Kagami was still cowering in fright of the dog.

And Aomine? He was seething in jealousy.

"Oi!" he barked. "You, with the eyebrows!"

Kagami twitched and turned to face the tanned player, forgetting his phobia. "What?"

"Play a game with me. One-on-one." All but Kagami noticed the dark gleam in Aomine's eyes.

"Uh oh..." Kise's eyes darted back and forth between the two hotheaded players.

"Mine-chin's possessed."

"By a green-eyed monster, right?" Midorima sighed. "That idiot..."

"Well, this is an interesting development," Akashi smirked. "Let's see how Tetsuya's new partner fares against the ex, shall we?"

"The way you say that sounds wrong..."

"Nonsense. I'm always right."

* * *

To say the least, Kagami accepted the challenge despite his coach's refusal. Needless to say, he got utterly demolished.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY, BAKAGAMI!" Riko throttled her player. "YOUR LEG'S NEVER GONNA HEAL AT THIS RATE, YOU IDIOT!"

"Wow," Kise whistled. "You guys have a lot in common. 'Bakagami' and 'Ahomine,' tall, Kurokocchi's partners, hotheaded," Kise listed. "You guys even have wrinkles in common!"

Aomine whacked the model on the head. "Shut. UP!"

"What? It's true!" Kise cried. "You guys look like you're in your middle ages or something! That's what you get for scowling so much and not taking care of your skin!"

"Not all of us are as girly as you and Midorima!" Aomine huffed and turned back towards the tall redhead. That guy was seriously weak!

"You," Aomine began, catching Seirin's attention (not that he ever lost it after he crushed their player). "Your Light is dim."

"What are you, an electrician?" Midorima muttered.

"I don't know what Tetsu sees in you," Aomine continued, pretending not to have heard the tsundere. "I don't understand why Tetsu left me for a weakling like you-"

"Don't say it like that - it sounds wrong on so many levels!"

"-but I'll get him back! Someone like you will never be able to unleash Tetsu's full potential."

Murasakibara grunted in agreement as he continued snacking. Akashi nodded at Aomine's words. The thought that his Tetsuya was partnering up with a weakling all but made his skin crawl. Perhaps he was brainwashed?

"Who are you to say something like that?!"

"Someone better than _you,_ obviously!"

"Ano..."

"Hm?" Akashi turned around to see his former Phantom Player. "Tetsuya?"

Kuroko had a surgical mask on. Was his Tetsuya sick?

"Akashi-kun? What are you doing here?"

"Ryouta dragged us here. He thought you turned into a dog," Akashi said, pointing to the black and white puppy in the blond's arms.

"Aa... I see," Kuroko said in his usual deadpan. "I didn't think he was that stupid..."

"Kuro-chin," the purple giant greeted, "are you sick?"

"Hai. It's not that serious, though."

"I got Kuro-chin some vanilla candy," he said as he held out a bag of candy.

"Thank you, Murasakibara-kun."

"AH!" Kise finally noticed the mop of teal hair. "IT'S KUROKOCCHI!"

Kise let go of the dog and ran to glomp the small teen. "I THOUGHT YOU-"

"GET OFF OF HIM!" Aomine kicked away the clingy model before grabbing his former partner by the shoulders. "Tetsu! Why'd you-"

"Hands off! He's ours!" Riko yelled at the tanned ace. She stole Kuroko away to the other side of the gym where they rest of the Seirin basketball team was. She grabbed his shoulders. "Kuroko! Who are those people?!"

Seirin waited urgently for an answer.

"They," Kuroko began, not noticing how his current teammates leaned in expectantly, "were my teammates from middle school."

"The rest of the Generation of Miracles?!"

"Isn't that tanned guy wearing a Too uniform?"

"Aren't we up against them next?"

"Ohmygodwe'redoomed!"

"Kuroko..." Riko twitched. "Are all of the people you know that insane?"

"'Insane'?" Kuroko tilted his head, wondering if something happened. "Did you look Akashi-kun in the eyes?"

"'Akashi-kun'? Who's that?"

"Or try take away Murasakibara-kun's sweets?"

"Who?"

"Or provoke Aomine-kun?"

"We don't know who you're talking about, but why are you mentioning this?"

"Well, if you look Akashi-kun in the eyes and you don't serve him-"

"'Serve'? What?"

"-then he'll attack you."

"WHAT?!"

"WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE DID YOU HANG OUT WITH?!"

"Kuroko... who is 'Akashi'?" one of them asked, wanting to know who not to cross.

"The one with red hair."

"The short on- !"

_Thwack!_

Everyone turned around to see a pair of red scissors stuck on the wall. They all turned their heads in the other direction. The redhead had another pair of scissors in his had, opening and closing eerily.

"WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE DID YOU KNOW?!" they all screamed at Kuroko.

"He was my captain," was all he said.

Riko massaged her temples. "And the other two? And what was this about some sweets?"

"Murasakibara-kun is the tallest one. He tends to snap if you try to take away his snacks."

"And what do you mean by 'snap'?" Hyuga asked warily.

"Umm... How do I say this..." Kuroko thought for a bit to come up with the right words.

"Yes?"

"He'll want to crush you."

"WHAT?!"

"Maybe snap you in half..."

"AND YOU HUNG OUT WITH PEOPLE LIKE THAT?!"

"WHY HAVEN'T THEY BEEN ARRESTED YET?!"

"Akashi-kun has a lot of connections."

"DON'T SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT SO CALMLY!"

"ISN'T THAT ILLEGAL?!"

"Nothing is impossible for Akashi-kun."

"Why thank you, Tetsuya." Akashi appeared - the rest of the Miracles behind him.

"AAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"He popped out of nowhere!"

"You're welcome, Akashi-kun."

"Ne Tetsu," Aomine started, "why'd you leave me for this guy?" Aomine pointed to the frozen Kagami who had Tetsuya #2 playing with his shoelaces.

"Please don't say it like that. The context sounds weird."

"It's okay, Aominecchi." Kise patted the tanned ace sympathetically. "Kurokocchi dumped me too."

"Like I said, please don't say something weird." Kuroko commented in the background.

"I don't wanna hear that from someone like you," Aomine deadpanned.

"You're so mean!" Kise wailed. "Kurokocchi! Aomine's being mean to meeee~!"

"Don't be so clingy, Ryouta," Akashi reprimanded.

Kise's constant crying gave Midorima a migraine. "You're such a baby, Kise."

"Ne..." Izuki muttered to his team as they watched the legendary Generation of Miracles interact. "Doesn't it feel like we're being ignored?"

"With the way they act, I can't believe they were the infamous Teiko team back then..." Hyuga sweatdropped.

* * *

In the end, Seirin never learned why the Miracles dropped by in the first place.

In fact, actually witnessing the famed Miracles interact the way they did (which is to say, not unlike people who had just escaped a mental institution) and learning about what dangerous figures had once surrounded their small teammate was too much for their brains to handle.

The visit was never mentioned ever again by an unspoken agreement.

* * *

**Some people in Japan wear surgical masks when they are sick to prevent the spread of germs.**

**Aomine was talking about how Midorima likes to take care of his nails and how Kise uses facial products like face creams and make up(because he's a model).  
**

**Meh... This one wasn't that great in my opinion. I couldn't think straight since I was too busy thinking about other stuff.  
**

**The ending... It felt off and rushed :/ Sorry about that.  
**

**No Aomine bullying here! Finally! I was beginning to think I was picking on him on purpose.**


End file.
